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PolarKey/Unaired TdK Pilot
Here it is, the unfinished and unaired Torre de Krab pilot in all its glory, Señor Cangrejo. All material is raw. Transcript (the episode opens outside SpongeBob's house with a moving van speeding off, SpongeBob, carrying Gary, hurries after it) SpongeBob: Wait! Wait for me! (he continues to chase after it and just about grabs onto the van and moves his way along to a passenger's seat with Gary) Phew, I thought you were going to leave without me for a second. Driver: We were. The van for the people is just parking outside your house. SpongeBob: (he grabs Gary and jumps out of the van) Woah! Woah! (he runs back to his house and gets into his van with Gary) Mr. Krabs: What took you so long, SpongeBob? SpongeBob: Caught the wrong van, hehe. Mr. Krabs: Can you go and see if Squidward is still coming? SpongeBob: Sure, sure. (he exits the van and knocks on Squidward's door who answers) Squidward: Yes, I am still coming! Patrick: Hi SpongeBob! Hi Kid's Ward! Squidward: it's Squid-ward! Patrick: Where are you guys going? SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs has given up fast food business and has started up a holiday resort near the seaside- Squidward: (interrupting) I prefer the word 'hotel'. Patrick: How long will you be gone for? Squidward: As it is so far away, we're going to live in a hotel room each. We are going to pay Mr. Krabs rent and won't be leaving for as long as we work there. Patrick: So you'll be coming back tomorrow? SpongeBob: Nope, we'll be gone (he says the word really slowly) forever! (he realises what that means) Wait! That means I can never see you again! (they both start crying) Squidward: (stepping out the door and shutting it behind him) Oh, please. Mr. Krabs: (getting out of the van) What is all this noise about? Patrick: (crying) I'll never get to see SpongeBob again! Mr. Krabs: OK, OK. How much money do you have? Patrick: Not much. Mr. Krabs: Then you can help with room service! Patrick and SpongeBob: Hooray! Patrick: I'll just go get my things! (he runs into his house and comes back with a rock) SpongeBob: Patrick, you're staying there for the rest of your life and you're only bringing a rock? Patrick: He's not a rock! He's my pet snail, Rocky. Mr. Krabs: There's nothing wrong with that, boy-o! Now, c'mon! Back into the van! Time is being wasted! Money's being wasted! (they hurry back into the van which can somehow hold all of them) I suppose you've met my daughter Pearl. Pearl: Hi guys! SpongeBob: Pearl, aren't you sad about not being able to see your friends anymore? Pearl: Not as long as I have social media! Squidward: There's always one. Patrick: But there's seven of us! Squidward: Actually there's five. Patrick: What about Rocky and Gary? Squidward: Oh, and let's not forget about (pulls out his clarinet) Claire-y! Patrick: Oops, my bad. Sorry Inkling. Squidward: IT'S SQUIDWARD! Mr. Krabs: Enough arguing, do you get boat sick, Patrick? Patrick: Sometimes... Mr. Krabs: Then I'll drive really slow... (bubble transition to them all standing outside the hotel) Here she is, Señor Cangrejo. Patrick: Senior Kangaroo? SpongeBob: What's a kangaroo? Mr. Krabs: Her name is Señor Cangrejo. It's Spanish for Mr. Crab. Squidward: I can name two things wrong with that. Mr. Krabs: Go ahead. Squidward: The name implies it should be a 'he' not a 'she' and 'he' should be called Señor Cangrejos, as in Mr. Crabs. Mr. Krabs: (pause) Point made. Now, I'll show you to your rooms. (we cut to SpongeBob and Patrick's room) I did initially supply the extra bed for the snail but I'm sure he won't mind sleeping on some sheets.(he lays down some newspaper that Gary lays on) Gary: Meow. SpongeBob: Wow, Patrick! We're roommates! Patrick: Wow! But where can Rocky sleep! Mr. Krabs: (lays more newspaper down) Only 99 cents a layer. (wink, Patrick lays down Rocky and Gary hisses) SpongeBob: Gary! You never treat a roommate like this! Say sorry! Gary: Meow. Squidward: My low expectations are suddenly high. (we cut to Mr. Krabs, Squidward and Pearl in Squidward's room) Wow, this is actually quite nice. Mr. Krabs: And it's all for a high price. Squidward: Wow! (jumps on the bed) A king size bed! (a doorbell is rung) Ooh! The moving van is here! (we cut to SpongeBob and Squidward moving various boxes from the van and into their rooms while Pearl simply piles hers up) Pearl: My Boys Who Cry T-shirts, my Boys Who Cry cutlery, my Boys Who Cry magazines, ooh! My sticker collection! And my pom poms! Mr. Krabs: (sigh) I'll just take this stuff to your room... (he carries the boxes to her room as we cut to them sitting round a table in the dining hall) Squidward: So, how did you get all the money to build this place anyway. Mr. Krabs: Plankton. I sold the Krusty Krab to Plankton. SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs! You couldn't have! Mr. Krabs: Don't worry! I brought the secret formula with me! That little dirt bag paid me every penny he owned! Which he of course sold all his stuff except that beautiful Karen to get! (he laughs) Pearl: Dad! You're not going back into dating, are you? Mr. Krabs: No! Of course not! Now, SpongeBob! Go into the kitchen and whip us up some krabby patties! SpongeBob: Aye aye, captain! (he salutes and goes into the kitchen) Mr. Krabs: Since we're all gathered here, I thought I'd tell you your roles. SpongeBob is obviously chef, Squidward will be bellhop- Squidward: WHAT? Mr. Krabs: I have a dirtier room if you would like to- Squidward: Fine, I'm bellhop. Patrick: But bells can't hop! Mr. Krabs: Patrick, you'll do room service. If the person staying here needs something, you'll attend to there every need. Patrick: Isn't need a drug? Mr. Krabs: (sigh) I mean if they need food, you'll bring it to them! Patrick: Oh. Pearl: Oh bother, what will I be doing? Mr. Krabs: Whatever your heart feels like! Pearl: Yipee! Mr. Krabs; And I can see the pets helping too? Squidward: How can pets help? (SpongeBob returns with a krabby patty for each of them) SpongeBob: Order up! Mr. Krabs: Perfect timing, son. After this, I suggest we all head to bed. Squidward: Since when did you become the father figure? Mr. Krabs: Since now. Tomorrow's the grand opening! (we cut to SpongeBob and Patrick in their room) THE REST WAS NEVER COMPLETED